CNN Headquarters was evacuated earlier today after a suspicious item was discovered under a paperweight in a recently vacated office. In the end, it turned out to be nothing more than credible research.
A spokesperson for Turner Broadcasting, CNN’s parent company, confirms that employees were aware that a former employee was doing credible research but they were under the impression that all of it has been safely removed from the location. Everyone insisted that they had “nothing to do with it.”
CNN’s Jim Acosta told me that he made the discovery. He was called to the Atlanta Headquarter location to receive an award for his recent performance during a Whitehouse Press Conference. Apparently, Acosta received a massive raise, a corner office, and a golden paperweight. It was under the paperweight that Acosta made the startling discovery. He was hanging pictures of his various theatric awards on the wall and rearranging the desk that was left almost empty except for a few papers.
It was then that he found something terrifying laying right on top of his new desk. He said:
“If this is someone’s idea of a practical joke, it isn’t funny! I work hard to create realistic looking news that our viewers will enjoy. We aren’t running a comedy channel. They don’t call us the Clinton News Network for nothing!”
Once authorities arrived they quickly took possession of the offending materials. Atlanta Police Chief Erika Shields tells us that she will personally lead the investigation into this heinous act. Telling our team:
“CNN News is a staple in Atlanta. Without their channel, many people around the world would know what is actually going on. We can’t have people knowing the truth about the government. This is why I will personally oversee the investigation into this terrible crime committed against CNN and Jim Acosta. Factual Terrorism will not be tolerated.”
When we asked what was inside the stack of papers they would only say that the facts were too dangerous for the general public. The FBI is said to be sending a team of specialists to analyze the material and determine the origin. Sources close to the Meullar Investigation tell us that Meullar plans to have the information classified because it would interfere with his “Witch Hunt.”
A source who tells us they do not have the authorization to discuss the matter suggested that Marc Lamont Hill was the former employee who occupied the office. When we asked if the items discovered were related to his comments recently made about Isreal they said:
“it is very likely, the truth is simply not tolerated around here and unless facts have been properly studied they are generally not allowed on any CNN campus.”
For now, it seems the scare is over and employees have returned to their offices. In the meantime, the deep state will be reviewing the discovery. Only time will tell if Marc Lamont Hill had anything to do with it and if charges will be filed. The evidence suggests this offending material may be the reason that Mr. Hill was dismissed, and it appears he left a little surprise behind just for Jim Acosta. You can’t be too careful with some of these facts, in the wrong hands it could destabilize the whole order of things.
…and if you haven’t figured it out yet, this is complete FICTION/SATIRE for your entertainment!